Coffee Stains and Growing Pains
by WinchesterPhantom
Summary: The Meta-Crisis, Johnny, is trying to deal with being human and Rose just wants her coffee machine to stop asking 'where's Daddy'. A story about growing up, kicking alien ass, in-laws and alternative versions of some old friends. Rose/10.5
1. Prologue and Domestics

**Disclaimer**: I'm just playing in the blue box. I own nothing.

**AN:** Welcome to Coffee Stains and Growing Pains. I felt like writing something a little light-hearted and so here it is. I really hope you enjoy this. Hasn't been beta'd.

**Coffee Stains and Growing Pains**

_The Meta-Crisis, Johnny, is trying to deal with being human and Rose just wants her coffee machine to stop asking 'where's Daddy?' a story about growing up, kicking alien ass and in-laws._

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><p><strong>Prologue:<strong>

Officially – for the record this is – his name is Doctor John Noble. A well respected graduate from Cambridge with doctorates in Chemistry, Physics and History. He was born in Gallifrey, Ireland (Rose and his own little joke) and moved to Scotland when he was two months old before moving to Hampshire in England when he was three for four years before he travelled the world with his parents – only settling in London at the age of thirty-one. He was smart, well-travelled, and was the life of the party, the current beau of the Vitex heiress, Rose Tyler.

Unofficially to everyone at Torchwood and in the Tyler residence he was Johnny. Johnny was their care-free, slightly insane co-worker with stars in his eyes and manic power in his fingers. He had wild ginger hair and a wicked smile and when he wears his skinny jeans with his ear-piercing (Rose never quite forgave him for that) they can't call him the Doctor while keeping a straight face.

He was the Doctor, they all know this. He can still pull out all the stops, still save the world and go toe to toe with the best of them and when on a mission he is the unquestioned leader – 'The Doctor' in every sense of the title. To Rose, he is this always. He's the lonely god, an eccentric nine hundred year old alien with the weight of reality, time, space on his shoulders, and not some trickster who hacked the Torchwood network on his birthday demanding some banana cake.

He claimed it wasn't him and they all knew he was lying.

It was because of those moments, those moments where they couldn't really see the Time Lord (hybrid, as it were) as he had been in his home universe, shooting across the stars in a blue box that they tended to forget he was more than a man. He was alien: bizarre and wild, only with them because he destroyed an entire race. But to them they saw little bit crazy, brave, banana loving Johnny.

This was Doctor Johnny Noble: the lonely imp with his wolf, Rose.

This is his story.

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><p><strong>Chapter One:<strong> **Domestics**

"Doctor?"

She poked him but he didn't stir.

"Doctor?"

He mumbled something into his pillow, pulling it closer to him and continued to sleep.

"Doctor?" she said, louder this time.

That got no response, as he murmured into his pillow about needing sleep. She bit her lip, watching her half-naked boyfriend twisted up in sheets and to the kitchen which she could just see. She sighed, giving him a decent shove with all her might. He rolled over, still holding his pillow and grunted.

"Fuck, Rose," he said, eyes cracking open and staggering to adjust to the light. He peeked up at her, eyes red from lack of sleep (probably from staying up late and experimenting with things that should not be experimented with) and glared. "What was that about?"

She crossed her arms. "You know very well,"

"No, I don't,"

He attempted to settle back into sleep but she reached down and tore the pillow from his grasp, dropping it to the floor. He growled at her, sitting up and made an attempt to reach over to pull her down when a powerful yawn took control of him. Suddenly he was stretching out like a cat. His bitch face tried to remain intact as he yawned with hilarious results. He looked like her neighbour's obese cat from the other universe when he wanted fish sticks and started yowling. Rose struggled not to laugh.

It was fairly hard, especially when he returned to his original pout and looked like a little boy who wanted candy. He glared at Rose. He wasn't a morning person. He was the precise opposite of a morning person … well unless he happened to wake up with her naked beside him – also naked but with a wicked grin on his handsome face.

But this morning, he was not in one such mood.

Stupid impossible bi-polar Time Lord hybrid, she thought to herself.

He stifled another yawns. "Okay … Rose – what have I done _this time?_"

Why did he sound like a bloody teenager? Combined with the pouting Rose was tempted to send him off to boarding school to learn some manners – she had the money. That was one benefit of living in Pete's world – she had the money to do a lot of things.

"You don't know?" she snapped.

"Clearly," he said.

"Nothing?" she said and at his continuous stony expression, elaborated, "Nothing at all? Know nothing about a toaster walking around like a mini-Transformer and cramming itself with bananas and bread and then when it fails throwing it all around the kitchen? Nothing like that? Nothing at all? Because you wouldn't have had anything to do with that, yeah?"

The Doctor throughout this had grown steadily pale and at unease as she spoke, glancing through the bedroom door to the kitchen down the hall. He started to fiddle with his PJ buttons, looking very uncomfortable. The moody teenager dropped and was replaced by puppy dog eyes, pleading for innocence as the little boy in him turned into the kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

She raised an eyebrow.

_"Well_ … you see … I might … um … would you, by chance, forgive me if I said I was making that banana bread for you?"

She had to turn away, a smile threatening to break out - which she_ knew_ would just boost his ego.

"Just go fix it," she said.

"Yes, m'am,"

She could hear the smile in his voice. He could read her far too well – _god damn mind-reading impossible hybrids._

Rose didn't give in and face him though. She remained staring at the window, pretending to be interested in the cranes that were constructing yet another apartment block across the road as he moved from the bed. Give him the cold shoulder and make it clear that his messing with her kitchen appliances was not acceptable. Bad Doctor.

He slid behind her, his hand brushing against her lower back – cheeky bastard – and she fought the tingle that shot up her spin.

"Oh … and Rose?" he said as he reached the door, looking back at her.

"What?" she spat back, still staring out the window and trying to focus on the hot tradesmen in the distance, when she would rather turn and stare at her half-naked boyfriend.

"I just wanted to say –" in one fluid movement his hand caught her wrist and the Doctor spun her into him, pressing his forehead against hers. She gazed into those dark brown eyes and his lips captured her, moving against her, teasing, testing and she surged forward, caught in … there like that … why … she couldn't see, eyes shut tight as he kissed her senseless.

This was … she opened and his tongue slipped in, gently moving in her mouth, no aggression just a manipulation that sent her toes curling. God, this was … his hand created slow circles against her ass before clenching it for a second. There was a rhythm to this and she let him run the show as he took her around the galaxy, his thoughts moulding with hers. Kissing the Doctor was different to normal kisses: it was fire and ice raging at each other, a supernova exploding and summer rain on a windy beach.

This was … she couldn't think and that's when he broke, breathing a little heavy while she tried to get much needed oxygen into her brain. Only with an impossible man could she forget about breathing – it was something out of cheap romance novel playing right out before her. She didn't get how he did it, but when she kissed him she was taken away to the stars, hurtled through time and then brought back with a jolt.

"Rose," he breathed, "I am so so sorry, so sorry," he paused and silence encased them save for the sounds of construction outside and their hearts racing together, "For messing with the toaster,"

She stared into those eyes that stole her soul. "You know … that really loses its affect when you are apologising for destroying my toaster and not because you are telling me to run for my life,"

He chuckled and kissed her on her forehead. "I love you, Rose Tyler,"

The moment he was gone to fix her toaster (she prayed), she collapsed on their bed wondering what she had done to be deserve him.

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><p><strong>AN:<strong> Any thoughts: good, bad, inbetween, are very much appreciated!


	2. More or Less Routine

**AN:** Thank you very much for everyone who reviewed, alerted and fave'd. I really appreciated it. And I very much hope you enjoy this chapter. Also it hasn't been beta'd.

**Coffee Stains and Growing Pains**

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><p><strong>Chapter Two: More or Less Routine<strong>

She arrived at work late with the Doctor in tow.

In line with his earlier rebellious teenager facade from this morning, he had found it fit to wear his skinny jeans, red Converses (but those weren't really a sign of rebellion), Coldplay t-shirt and Aviators instead of his usual suit. He also had a leather jacket – this one with a hood and combined with his unkempt hair and earphones she would've mistaken him for a kid at a distance. That and his lack of sleep made him look like a slightly stoned rock star – she wondered if she should've just let him nap at home. It wasn't as if he worked at Torchwood. He didn't really – not in an official sense. He was a consultant so that he could pick and choose what he wanted to do at his whim. Ideally they'd have him on full time but Rose knew that wasn't going to happen. He was looking for something … but what … neither of them had found it yet.

The only thing constant for him currently was Rose, her family and the tiny shard of blue TARDIS coral that he had on a silver chain hanging from his neck. It was on him at all times. It had been a small parting gift from the other Doctor. She had asked if he could grow it into a TARDIS but he had given her _a look_ and hadn't answered.

She hadn't asked him again, respecting that him mourning the TARDIS, his loss, was like if she lost her mum. It was a complex bond and she could empathise with him but decided against trying to force him to talk. He would just go silence – and besides if things did go south she'd pick up on it before it happened.

One of the first things she had come to realise about the Meta-crisis is that he had inherited naturally his 'father's' insane and maniac tendencies and in a human, in a mortal, this became a brilliant and destructive intensity to everything he did. The Meta-crisis had inherited the madness and was making his own as he took his steps into a domestic life.

He liked loud music with beats and rhythms – drums so anything from African drumming to heavy rock was a go for him. He also liked the whole New Age thing with cups of strange tea, incense, and yoga – Jackie, her mum, loved this part of him, going on and on about how it was good for their health, how everyone was doing it – and _'shouldn't Rose join them one day – doesn't that sound great, sweetie?'_

There was also the boxing: the thump, thump, kick, exhale that he did every afternoon combined with long runs. He was angry and mad, and so he created his outlets. He made his body weep for rest, and for his mind, he read and experimented so that he could slip into dreams and nightmares – the burden of having nine hundred years of memories in a very human body didn't make it easy on him: an infinity of heartbreak, pain, ecstasy, joy.

Combine all that and his age: he was going from baby to adult with the knowledge and body of an adult, he was sometimes a challenge to manage. Actually 'sometimes' was more like 'mostly' when she thought about it. She could only pray he avoided the terrible twos stage – or maybe he had already gone through it.

The lift stopped and Rose made a beeline for her office but after a few steps she realised that he wasn't following her. Her shadow wasn't there.

She turned around sharply.

"Doctor?"

He was walking in the other direction, and twisted back. "Yes, Rose?"

"Where are you off to?"

He scratched the back of his head – thus thinking of an excuse. "Just was going to … see Tosh! She had something she wanted me to check over so I said I would because it would really help Torchwood and you know that and she just needed me to do a few calculations to set it all –"

"Tosh went back to Cardiff yesterday …"

"Really?"

She raised an eyebrow. The fact that he had caught the bus home yesterday because he was helping Tosh pack her things in the lab didn't go amiss. He was up to something – again (this time she prayed it didn't involve shaving cream and Ianto Jones). And he wasn't going to tell her _again_. He'd keep his lips sealed and jump around the question with random facts and useless gossip picked up from her mother.

"Well … that's no good," he paused, "What are you working on?"

"Testing some new weapons and interviewing some people,"

His nose wrinkled at 'weapon' which meant 'gun'. "And you want me to help?"

"If you would like to – I thought you would fix any mistakes we made so we didn't blow each other up," said Rose, knowing fully well that she was manipulating him into helping them build alien tech – something he said he wouldn't do and yet half the time he ended up helping. This worked out better for all in the end because instead of weapons that could kill, he made them so they could subdue other life forms temporarily.

He paused, considering it.

"And also give a long speech on the dangers of shoot first and ask questions later," added Rose.

He had those speeches down to an art form by now. Initially it had been 'don't use weapons' until he realised after nearly being run over by a bus (it was a long story featuring a chicken, the new mePhone, and a banana of course). That little run in with death had made him realise how fragile human life was actually – and so it had changed to if you are going to attack make sure it's after you have sussed out the situation and not in a moment of passion. Consider all the variables and that side of things.

They were a success in their own little way.

"Well … when you put it like that …" he said slowly before smiling and bounding forward saying, "ALLONSY!"

He took hold of her hand and practically skipped down the hallway, pulling her along in his wake.

"Doctor – do you even know where we are going?"

He slowed down. "Well …"

She rolled her eyes. "C'mon,"

They first went to Rose's office, with her grabbing some files and checking her emails while the Doctor stared out of her window, looking at Canary Wharf below. She was quick, knowing how impatient he could be. The lack of a specific department and that technically they only called him if they needed him, meant that sometimes the Doctor had nowhere really to be in Torchwood and so it was sorta like a bring your kid to work day. When Tosh, Torchwood Three's tech head, had come for a few days for some help the Doctor had leapt off to help her … which made her wonder what might've happened. Most likely they had started something else – and the Doctor was left to finish it.

But he'd tell her if it was something like that … she narrowed her eyes and observed him.

He looked at her sharply. "What?"

"You have your secrets and I have mine," she said simply with a wicked grin.

He pouted.

She rolled her eyes, and asked. "Also do you want to grab anything before we head down?" as she headed to the door.

"Nah," he said. "Who is the project leader for this one by the way?"

"Linden," she said after a pause.

He didn't like Linden.

And they were off again. Rose led the way with the Doctor attempting to lead even though he didn't know which lab they were going to (boys, honestly) – until he worked out what lab they were heading to and so he did lead. Upon entering he immediately headed to the designs table and pulled on his reading glasses – which he actually needed, instead of just wearing them for rule of cool.

Rose smiled and headed over to Jake who was going to testing them with her.

"Didn't realise you were bringing Johnny today," he said.

Jake had been there to pick them up from they had first returned to the universe and one of the few who knew all the intricate details of who the Doctor was. He acted like a big brother to his genius of a little brother: taking him out to soccer games, getting him plastered on a Saturday night. In other words a bad influence on her Doctor – kind of. He was hilarious when drunk – more so than normal … except that time when he got the piercing.

At least it hadn't been a tattoo.

"He didn't have anything better to do," said Rose before mentally adding _'besides fixing the bloody toaster'_. Rose knew that was a lost cause all ready and was fully prepared to go and buy another after work. She watched the Doctor for a moment before turning from him and asking Jake, "You don't happen to know what he and Tosh got up to, do you?"

"The Welsh Tech?"

"Yeah,"

"No idea – I think it was communications or something," said Jake.

"Mmmm,"

Over by the designs table the tech team were standing back as the Doctor took control. The project leader, a Professor Linden, was detailing the weapon to the Doctor, while his team watched on with smirks. It was well known that Linden disliked the Doctor Johnny Noble: an _'arrogant little chav who thought he knew it all and was better than everyone else and WAS only here because he was sleeping with the boss' daughter' _– which was partially true if you changed _'chav'_ into _'Time Lord and human hybrid' _but in the end that was just semantics and that the feeling was mutual. Kinda, anyway. The Doctor never did seem to really recognise the little rivalry going on … on the surface anyway.

"As you can see we have calibrated the –"

"Yes, yes," said the Doctor, "I can see that – easy easy – very nice but what about …" he bit his lip, finger trailing over the design for the outer shell, frowning. Something wasn't right here – but what? It was there, staring at him and no doubt mocking him. What was it? He leaned in close: all the lines seem to blur and realign in his mind's eye. He grinned – there it was. Tiny and no doubt overlooked but there was the inevitable flaw in the design. There always was one – human error and all.

"Professor," he said, glancing up at Torchwood's project leader. "Can I look at one?"

"Well I suppose so," said Professor Linden, "But do be –"

"Careful?" finished the Doctor, "Yeah … sure … course – I always am ... well mostly anyway but what can you do … the gun please?"

"It's hardly a _gun_, Johnny," said Professor Linden, stiffly.

"Really? You think that? Seriously?" said the Doctor with a raised eyebrow, "It is a gun – trust me – you use it to shoot things and therefore it's a gun – and its _Doctor _Johnny to you, Fuzzy." The Doctor gave him a pointed look and a few techies tried not to giggle and failed, "– now the _gun_ please?"

Professor Linden gestured for a young woman – one of the newest members of Torchwood and therefore the runner – to get the gun. The Doctor gave her a nod of thanks, a brilliant smile, when she passed it to him. Her cheeks reddened slightly. _Still got it_, he thought to himself with an inner chuckle.

He turned his attention to the gun, running his hands over it. Linden was standing smugly, watching. The Doctor found the flaw, found the spot and looked up at him, giving the older man an impish grin. He lightly tapped on the outer case where the trigger connected to the rest of it and as his fingers came down a tiny crack appeared.

"What did you –"

"Located a problem," said the Doctor cheerfully, "You see this little crack – that was from a –"

"_Doctor_ Johnny," sneered Linden, "You just destroyed a valuable –"

"But flawed – you have to admit it's flawed,"

"It is not –"

"Welll, not internally it isn't," said the Doctor, continuing on loudly, "In fact it's rather brilliant – developed from Gigamorian tech isn't it? Ingenious I have to say how you've adapted it into this form because really you couldn't hold it otherwise – but the problem is more of an exterior – how you put it together … now I made one little crack with a _tap_," his voice rose at the last word, "Now imagine if I say – " he raised his hand back, time pulling with him before he pushed back _harder_. Tiny shards broke free and fell, "- put some more force behind that it would break. Now of course it's just one spot … but I wouldn't risk it, frankly,"

He placed down the gun and dusted his hands. He smiled. "But otherwise – very good,"

"You just destroyed …" said Liden, his eyes widening, " – was that really –"

"Yes, it was," interrupted the Doctor. He added under his breath, "You wouldn't have listened to me if I hadn't,"

"You –"

"Is there a problem?" Rose stepped in, standing beside the Doctor and giving him a look. The Doctor looked at her with the utmost expression of innocence, a hidden smile playing on his lips.

"None at all," he said, "I was just explaining a tiny flaw in the design,"

"He destroyed a weapon," said Linden slowly, annunciating each word, "to do so."

"Really?"

"Destroyed … that is _such_ a strong word," countered the Doctor.

It really was – he had only shattered a small section. Easy enough to fix and it meant they would have to reconsider fixing all of them before they tested them out. His job was done.

Thank God because Linden reminded him of one too many up-tight_, think they now what they doing_ scientists that mess with things that should NOT be messed with. He hated people like that, people who didn't get it. Linden was on the scale – mildly at the moment but he was still there.

"You –"

"Helped you out – pleasure. I always feel a practical demonstration works best because then otherwise you might not have seen that and then someone like Jakey boy over there might have been fighting for his life and suddenly it all goes crumble, crumble, crumble … but no, good job otherwise as I said," said the Doctor. He glanced at Rose, "Want to go?"

He really did want to go. He had things that needed to be done, things that needed to be tended to.

"Feel free to," she said, shaking her head.

The Doctor smiled and said goodbye to the rest of them, heading out. As he left he could hear Rose pacifying the Professor, before ordering the tech team to start working on fixing the flaw.

He made it to the lifts before he heard her sprinting after him, calling him. He stopped, finger tracing over the lift buttons before he turned around.

"Meet me for lunch at one," she said, "And please don't antagonise anyone else?"

"Never,"

"You are a shocking liar," she said, "You know that, yeah?"

"Yeah, Wolf-girl," he said, "Meet at your office?"

"Foyer – don't be late,"

"Promise,"

Naturally he was going to be late – they both knew that.

Despite being a Time Lord he had never really gotten the concept of 'being on time'.

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><p><strong>AN:<strong> Any thoughts: good, bad, inbetween, are very much appreciated! I really hope that you enjoyed this :)


	3. Hello Sexy

**AN:** Once again I would like to pass my thank you's to everyone who has reviewed, alerted or fave'd. Its really nice to know that this is being well recieved. :) Thanks! Also hasn't been beta'd - so sorry if there are any mistakes.

And here is the next chapter of:

**Coffee Stains and Growing Pains**

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><p><strong>Chapter Three: <strong>**Hey Sexy … and Pete**

In the depths of Torchwood, hidden from sight, hidden from office gossip (which was probably the greatest achievement one could ever claim to have accomplished – being deadly serious here, especially since this was Torchwood where espionage equipment was in the bountiful and so nothing stayed secret for long), and locked up tighter than Fort Knox was a very special lab. It was more than Top Secret, more than need to know. Only those with the highest authority could enter – and that authority was from someone outside of Torchwood, outside of the mould.

The authority was Johnny.

Only three people were aware of what was going on in there and that was how Johnny liked it – at least in these early stages but even so he wanted to keep it on the down low. What he was creating, growing in there had the potential to change his and Rose's life.

Oh and other peoples, but that was hardly important.

He had gotten permission from Pete to set up the lab. The older man had sworn to secrecy and allowed the Doctor to set it up how he wanted to – free of any standard protocols as long as it didn't result in the Doctor blowing up anything. It had taken two months of solid work to make the lab secure to his standards and only then he had moved his heart, soul, one true love (a different sort of love to Rose though) into the lab.

Then he had hit a road block. He knew how he could logically accelerate the growing period, knew how to do it and yet he couldn't and so when Tosh, the Torchwood Three tech had arrived, he had hijacked her and made her help him.

He trusted Torchwood Three. Strange but because he would always think of them of Jack's Torchwood … even though the Captain didn't run it in this world; he could trust them to do the RIGHT thing. Torchwood One though … that was still a sore point to him even though he knew this Torchwood had been set up in his (or rather the other Doctor's) honour rather than to capture him.

But back to hijacking Tosh – he had pulled her to his lab, sworn her to secrecy and then asked for her help … well not exactly. He needed a sounding board for his ideas. He was brilliant enough to do it himself but having another mind there helped. He had felt guilty about not telling Rose but he didn't want to get her hopes up.

Rose wanted to travel space and time – go to the stars. She did. He knew her longing, could see it when she looked to the night sky. At first it had worried him. It had caused doubt in him and what he was doing here in the other Doctor's place because essentially that was what he was doing: slipping into another's role. He was the other option, not the first choice.

But over time he saw that even if he hadn't been the first choice originally – he was now. She had just needed to get used to him – get used to the concept and he didn't blame her. But because of this side, a side he was frightened off (even though he knew it wasn't anything) … well, he was scared. He was alone in the universe and he didn't want to lose her to his 'father', for lack of a better term. And so he kept this a secret until he was assured that this was going to work.

He supposed it was a bit like someone not saying they were pregnant until they were completely sure. He didn't want to get her hopes up and then have to tear them down. He couldn't do that to her.

He could deal with his own loss but he couldn't do the same with her.

The Doctor bypassed the security: DNA testing, verbal and typed passwords being inserted and then he entered. The lab wasn't white like others but a warm gold, with a specific blue noted throughout. There was stereo system, three computers, a kettle and a mini fridge as well as a Coldplay Poster. Oh and the usual tools and pieces that were needed.

In the centre, in a cake tin, was a piece of TARDIS coral – no bigger than his fist now, but bigger than it had been. It was emitting a low hum, something he could only hear because he was Time Lord. It was speaking, singing faintly to her pilot through space, time, matter and everything. It called for him, wrapping itself around him as it pulled at Time itself. The TARDIS wanted her pilot.

"Hey, Sexy," he said walking towards his TARDIS.

His and hers – they belonged to each other.

He shrugged off the leather jacket, dumping it, going to sit cross-legged beside the coral. He put on his glasses and smiled. It was growing – slowly but faster all the same. He reached out, slowly, cooing to his Sexy in dead and non-existent forgotten languages: the words just rolling off his tongue and singing back to her. His finger touched the coral – a tingle and shock racing up his arm and sparking his body.

Time pulled him and his vision blurred. This was pleasure and pain, the beat of the universe coming to him and going thump, beat, kick, exhale, inhale all at once as an infinity of life forms from what was, what had been, and what would be coursed and withered together.

Life, death: the flip of the coin and a minute decision.

Feeling the turn of the planets, the burn of the stars, the deep emptiness of a dark hole and how time wrapped itself amongst this was what a Time Lord was. Everything that made them was this, right here, what he was feeling. He didn't always feel it, he couldn't. Being a human made it so much harder but here with Sexy … it felt right, it was right, it was everything.

Everything, everything, everything, be-beat, be-beat, spark, catch alight, the worlds rip through, everything …

Come, come, come – flow to me … come!

He was alive.

_SHE WAS ALIVE_

He chuckled at that thought – maybe he should rent out _Frankenstein_ for the two of them to watch.

The Doctor pulled back from her – a challenge because she didn't want him to but he whispered at her, and the pull weakened as she let go. He looked at her fondly: oh she was going to be a rebellious TARDIS, no doubt, flinging him to and from the ends of time and space the moment she could fly.

After a few minutes of just watching Sexy, he slowly got up and began turning on all the monitors. He ran through the diagnostics, checked the temperatures and the dimension stabilizer, making sure it was running at the power of 59. All his calculations had to perfect with this – otherwise things could go wrong.

Very wrong.

Not that he had come up with the calculations to begin with. It had taken Donna Noble, the Doctor Donna, to figure it all out. As they were dropping everyone home, saying goodbyes – or rather the other Doctor had because everyone wasn't sure at that point how to treat the impossible twin, she had stood beside him and winked.

It was a wink that spelt trouble and since she was him now … sort of anyway … that spelt big trouble.

"What are you planning, Donna Noble?" he had asked.

"Well, Skinny Boy," she had said slowly, "I just wanted to check you are okay … with everything that is to happen,"

"Yeah I am," he said, watching his-to-be Rose chatting with Jack, "One life after all …"

"You'll be fine," she said.

A moment passed between them.

"But I know how much you love the stars – and so," She had pressed something in his hands, something tiny and small – the size of a fob watch – but something that sung to him and pulled him.

"Grow her, make her your own – and before you say 'it will take thousands of years' might I remind you that if you shatterfry the plasmic shell and modify the dimensional stabiliser to a foldback harmonic of 36.3, you accelerate growth –

- by the power of 59!" finished the Doctor, grinning, "But that's brilliant, Donna! That is … fantastic!"

"Oi – time lord brain remember?"

He nodded. Time Lord and Human – oh, Donna Noble, she was a genius no doubt (even without the Time Lord part but with it exponentially more so). All that knowledge, all that power concentrated in there. It must be tremendous; because though they were both Meta-Crisis Doctors he had a bit of Time Lord biology to help stabilise him while she was … he swallowed deeply, his stomach knotting together and had looked at his twin.

_Please let him know about this and fix it otherwise I _won't_ go,_ he thought. He could not, and would not leave her if the proper Doctor didn't know. He looked, pulling on a mask, at his best friend and prayed to Time for her to be okay.

_Please._

Donna had started talking again, pulling him from his thoughts, "I can't see you staying put, space man, you are him after all – well …"

"Not completely," he had said, bitterly, watching as THE other Doctor entered the TARDIS again.

"Oh don't be so hard on him," said Donna with a soft expression, "He's really just acting like any parent,"

The Doctor Johnny looked at her, brow furrowed.

"Oh you know, realising that their kid is all grown up, if they raised him right or not – he has a hard time accepting that kind of responsibility – you know that,"

"So … he's just …"

"Yes,"

He looked at his 'father' who was jumping around, pressing buttons no doubt to take Jack back next.

Then a grin had broken out on his face. "So if he's my dad … does that make you … _my mother_?"

"Oi,"

"Oi, _Mum_," he replied with a grin.

"If you keep saying that, space-boy, I'll take away your –"

He pouted "But Mum that isn't …"

"Oi – you two – get up and help!" called the other Doctor to them, "I swear – I finally have people who can pilot and all they do is chat and go on and on …"

The Doctor Johnny (well not Johnny then, then he was the Doctor's impossible clone/twin/whatever who happened to be also called the Doctor) had fought the urge to respond with 'yes, dad' but caught Donna's eyes and they both smothered laughter, going over to help.

"Does he know about –" he had started to ask.

"Not a word," she had said. "It's the equivalent to stealing his car for a joy ride … if he had one …"

He had mimed zipping his mouth shut before she could go on.

Not before saying. "Thanks, Mum,"

And the other Doctor had remained oblivious to all of this. When he had given Johnny the necklace (which even Johnny could see that the shard was just too small to ever really flourish into a proper TARDIS), Johnny had fought the urge not to grin too widely, knowing that that would give the game away. The other Doctor had also assured him that he knew about Donna and would make sure she was okay.

They had both held each other's gaze for an eternity – or was it a second – it was hard to tell sometimes, before heading out into the other universe, Johnny's new home.

And so the game hadn't been given away and here he was – growing his very own TARDIS in a cake tin in Torchwood's basement. He couldn't wait until it was big and stable enough to take home so that he could have it near him all the time. On Gallifrey there were so many checks, so many Time Lords helping them to grow it was a safe practice – there was someone always there for the young TARDISes. Here, there was just him.

But the two of them would be fine.

Satisfied with the technical side of things, he went and got out an old drum. While drumming was something he associated with the Master, he still knew the importance of bringing out the rhythm of the universe – especially for the TARDIS, an alien TARDIS, to get the swing of _this_ universe quickly. He started to tap, running through ten thousand beats, watching his Sexy.

Sexy pulsed with tap, hit, tih tih tih tah tah raaarrhhhh-ummmm-beeelll and he whispered to her in old Gallifreyan, whispered the secrets of time, of space, of himself.

He lost himself.

Until his stomach rumbled and he looked over at the clock.

"She's going to kill me."

He bolted up, and yelled good bye to Sexy, locking up and racing like the Devil was on his heels.

He sprinted, tearing up the staircase when the lift took too long to come. His chest was heaving and all he could think about was how much easier this running business had been when he was a Time Lord – and not fearing for his one life.

Grapping the stairwells railing he pulled himself up and up before he reached the ground floor and barrelled into it, bursting into the wide marble foyer and promptly bent over to catch his breath. Strangers looked at him oddly (and who could blame them because his hair was wild, cheeks flushed and his clothes weren't that they expected of a government agency) while Torchwood employees took one look at him and moved on.

Except Jake, who came up to him after having just finished his own lunch, and said. "She's left – went with Pete,"

The Doctor looked up at him with pained expressions. "Where?"

"Two blocks away – the little Chinese place,"

"But I was only –"

"Twenty minutes late,"

Well fair point. She only had an hour to eat but still … why hadn't she called?

"Why didn't she call me?"

"The real question is, Johnny: did you remember your phone?"

"Maybe," he said slowly, "Potentially … I had a lot of things on my mind – I should just run and catch her, yeah?"

"Could be a good idea,"

The two men looked at each other and nodded.

And then the Doctor was off again.

* * *

><p>"I am so sorry,"<p>

"Once again that really loses its affect when it isn't in a life threatening situation," noted Rose as she chewed on some noodles.

The Doctor had come upon them when they were just finishing up; arriving in spectacular fashion as always before collapsing in the chair beside Rose and draining three glasses of water in one go. Fortunately they had ordered just a little too much and so the Doctor soon found himself eating left overs – he was quick to note that they had eaten all the spring rolls and Peking duck.

"What were you doing anyway?" asked Pete.

The Doctor shrugged, and attempted to pick up his noodles – whoever invented chopsticks were insane – and said. "Stuff,"

Rose looked over at him and sighed. He really was being a teenager today – oh the joy. She would've thought him having to stay in one place, get a job would make him act like the adult he was but instead he just had to be a teenager.

Then again he was only three months old.

"Enjoying your noodles?" she asked him.

"Yes," he said, lifting one up and then swearing as it dropped back into his bowl. He growled and re-attempted and re-failed again. He placed one down and then attempted to twist the noodles like a kebab around his chopstick to no effect.

"It really isn't that difficult," commented Pete.

"I disagree," said the Doctor, "If they were easy to use we would all be using them – and we aren't. No, instead we are eating with knives and forks which are the easiest eating utensils in existence – trust me, I know,"

"Well if that's the case we can always get you some," said Pete, glancing over to the waiter.

"No," said the Doctor – who hadn't failed to notice the only person in the restaurant who wasn't using chopsticks was a ten year old. He sat up a little and said, "I will persevere,"

"Meanwhile some of us have work," said Rose looking at the clock. She shook her head, picked up her own chopsticks. She picked up a long strand from his bowl and looked at him, "Open wide,"

"Seriously?"

Pete chuckled.

"We can do this the aeroplane way or the cute couples way,"

The Doctor considered it for a moment. "Is it sad to say my mother never ever did the aeroplane way with –"

"Just eat it, yeah?"

The Doctor smiled, "Of course, my darling Rose Tyler," and leaned forward, accepting the noodles with the grace that every man in this restaurant could wish to achieve. When he swallowed, he leaned in and kissed her lightly. She grinned against him.

"Oh please," said Pete.

Rose shot him a glare. "And you and mum are any better?"

"Rose," said the Doctor mildly, "I think the difference between us and them, is that as _your parents_ they are meant to embarrass you – and there are worst ways trust me,"

"And you know this from …?"

"There is a reason I stole a time machine and left home," said the Doctor, shuddering at the images that came to mind – not that it had just been his parents but they HAD played a small role.

Turning up sky clad to a ball honestly …

"You stole the TARDIS?" said Pete, eyes widening. He leaned back, looking at the Doctor as if with new eyes, "That really puts a whole new spin one everything,"

"In what sense?"

"Well, instead of the lonely god defending the innocent, defeating great evil and saving young damsels in distress – no offence, Rose – in his magical blue box, we have the punk who decided to go joy riding and along the way got into a few fights and picked up some girls – once again no offence but well …"

The Doctor nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, that really does put things in a different light – but I really think the 'few fights' in a disservice. Yes, I did steal a time machine but she stole me as well – and yes that is completely possible – and I was hardly irresponsible with it,"

"Hardly?"

"Well saving the world does get boring sometimes – everyone needs a break,"

"But how did the TARDIS steal you? It's a machine,"

Rose had to praise her dad for not inserting the sometimes comment of 'you … well the other you' that occasionally cropped up.

"My ears are bleeding,"

"You haven't answered my question, Johnny,"

"Because the bond between a TARDIS and her pilot is a complex measure of cosmic and sonic as a TARDIS can see all of – listen it's too complicated – you wouldn't get it … just know it's all timey wimey and that she stole me just as much as I stole her,"

Pete frowned. "Sounds like you are just trying to justify your crime – that is like saying the victim asked to be attacked,"

"It is completely different – and the TARDIS really did …"

Rose sighed as the Doctor and her father continued on in circles.

This was going to a long lunch.

_Oh well, work could wait_, she thought, as she leaned back and stole some of the Doctor's noodles.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:<strong> Any thoughts: good, bad, inbetween, are very much appreciated especially on characters etc but anything is helpful and nice! :) I really hope that you enjoyed this :)

And I may or may not have been watching _The Doctor's Wife_ just prior to writing a vast majority of this ... bahaha/ which is also why I added in the TARDIS ... I'm unsure of adding that in because while I can't see the Doctor and Rose not having wild adventures I do think some of the charm of the two together in Pete's World is what they can find there. But I love the TARDIS ... oh well ... we'll see what my muse does.


	4. Middle Names Beginning with a 'T'

**AN:** Sorry for the delay - things had to be done such as seeing the new Harry Potter film. It is awesome. Once again also I would like to thank everyone who has reviewed (especially the reviewers), alerted, fave'd and read this story. Your support is very much appreaciated. And here is the latest chapter of ... (note: hasn't been beta'd)

**Coffee Stains and Growing Pains**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Four: <strong>**Middle Names Beginning with a 'T'**

The Doctor shivered as they walked back through the streets of London to Torchwood. He hadn't noticed the chill in the air at first, hadn't noticed it at all but he supposed that was because of the mad dash to catch Rose before the end of lunch that would've kept him warm. But now with his bare skin facing the London chill he could feel it alright – god he wished he had grabbed his jacket before leaving. He hugged himself, rubbing his hands against his forearms, suppressing a shiver that threatened to overtake him.

Rose and Pete were ahead – discussing some treaty with an alien race or something to that effect. He stayed behind them, just passing along – he could help out but really he didn't want to be bothered with any inter-galactic messes at the moment – unless it got violent but that was a given he'd step in then. In the end he had come to realise it wasn't his job to police this universe – Pete had made that very clear … not in a threatening way but more in the sense to keep him somewhat grounded for Rose's sake.

Besides he could trust the Tylers to make the right decision – they were no Harriet Jones after all.

That reminded him, he would need to check over President Jones record at some point. Just to make sure she hadn't done anything. Then again she had redeemed herself so maybe he should give her the benefit of the doubt … then again nope.

"Doctor?" called Rose.

He blinked and fell in step with Rose and Pete. "Yeah?"

"Where is your jacket?"

"I left it when I was – well, yeah forgot it,"

"You aren't going to tell me are you?" she said, looking at him.

"Maybe … if you're good," he said, trying to inject an aura of cheerful arrogance.

He could feel Pete's eyes on him – Pete Tyler had been most vocal about his desire not to tell Rose immediately.

"So – who are these people wanting to get a treaty?" he asked.

"You're changing the subject,"

"I am, am I?" he said, "Well, I suppose so but then again don't I always change the subject? And by the way that was hardly a subject considering that there wasn't anything more to be said and so I just went on the pre-emptive strike here to –"

"Is there a way to shut him up?" asked Pete quietly to his daughter.

"A sudoku puzzle," she said, "but he works them out too quickly so they aren't the most effective thing,"

"– and I mean it is a valid question considering if something were to go –"

Pete shot the rambling Doctor another look. "I can imagine – well at least I know what to get him for Christmas,"

"I think I might buy him a car to fix up – something that is so crap it'll keep him occupied for ages,"

"– the main problem with all these aliens is their belief of entitlement just because you lot aren't up there with –"

"A car?" mused Pete, "Does he even know how to drive?"

"I'm assuming he can – we should probably get him a licence," noted Rose, filing that away for one more thing to get the Doctor.

"I'll get Jake on it,"

"– and then there is the – oi, wait a moment," the Doctor froze looking at them, "Were you even –"

"Not a word,"

"Nada,"

"That is so rude," said the Doctor, pretending mock hurt "Especially considering everything I say has a point – well most of the time anyway,"

"You'll live," said Rose lightly, taking hold his hand and squeezing it.

He squeezed back and said dramatically. "I'm wounded."

"Bleeding out?"

"Can't you see all me guts and innards spilling on the pavement and trailing after us –"

Rose shuddered. "You are never watching a zombie flick again."

"But Rose!"

"Never again,"

They reached Torchwood, heading inside and taking the stairs to the real foyer.

The thing with Torchwood was that while everyone knew about it (it was like the worst kept secret ever but considering this world had been subjected to the Cybermen nobody really cared) they still kept a moderate level of secrecy. For example on the Rose Tyler Wikipedia page (yes, she had managed to achieve this, and yes the Doctor had edited it a number of times much to her annoyance), amongst the fake personal life and list of events she had attended (Rose did enjoy the socialite role every now and then) it stated she was government official. Now to most this would seem odd when the Tyler heiress jumped out of a black SUV, supporting a large laser cannon and going off to kick alien ass since most normal government officials didn't do that (what was even more glaring was the TORCHWOOD on the back of her Ops Jacket) but it never made it onto the news or her Wikipedia page.

Anyway onto the moderate level of secrecy, they had moved the real foyer above. This was where the aliens could beam themselves in – the ground floor foyer was for those of ignorant or not high enough security clearance.

And so after showing their key passes the Tylers plus the Doctor climbed the stairs to the REAL foyer.

The one with aliens – it was pretty cool.

The moment they entered the Doctor's nose wrinkled: something was sweet, very sweet – too sweet like being drowned in sugar. Rose and Pete didn't seem to be picking it up though He looked sharply to his left where a group of tall, lean (and Donna called him 'skinny'!) creatures with overgrown heads and large unblinking eyes and long beards standing by the window and looking out below. They all looked the same, wore beautiful flowing robes of some kind in blues and deep set purple. They were ornate.

"Is that the –" started Rose.

"Yes," said Pete, "but they weren't supposed to be here until three,"

"What are they?" asked the Doctor.

"You don't know?" said Rose with a raised eyebrow.

"Clearly – oh and look they are coming over to us," he said, pulling out his glasses and rolling on the balls of his feet, hands in his pockets.

"Hello Earthly-Bound-Ones," said one of them in a low voice who had a long white strip painted from its brow to chin – those large eyes were unblinking and … that pierced … he blinked: _what_. Unspoken things whispered in his mind. His eyelids fluttered and he swallowed, pulling him back – _what is pulling me back?_ – there was something about these beings – what were they? He stood a little straighter.

The beings stood before them and bowed their heads.

White-Strip spoke in the same voice, turning to Pete who had stood slightly in front. "You are the one called Peter Tyler, yes?"

"That would be me,"

"And this is …?"

"My daughter, Rose, and her …" Pete looked at his daughter's boyfriend and practically his son-in-law and just really couldn't say it because something had changed. The Doctor's childlike delight was gone, replaced with a deep set … fear? No, it wasn't that. It was wariness. He was wary.

The Doctor saw Pete's hesitation, and jumped in with a grin on his face – business as usual as some might say. "Hi, I'm the Doctor – well Johnny, but really the Doctor,"

"What a strange man," noted on of the beings.

"Well that's not –"

"Agreed," said Rose quietly with a cheeky grin.

The Doctor placed his hand on his sole heart and mimed having being stabbed.

Rose just smiled sweetly back at him.

Pete shot them a glare and the two fell silent and in line. He turned to the beings, a slight frown on his face. "I didn't believe you were coming here so soon – and also, I'm sorry I didn't catch your name,"

He looked at White Strip as he spoke.

"We are the Dawn," They all spoke as one.

"The Dawn?" repeated the Doctor.

"Yes, the Dawn," they said, turning wide eyes to the Doctor. All of them, unblinking and all consuming.

_Well, that sounds nicely ominous_, he thought as he shifted slightly under their gaze. They were the Dawn: did that mean species or title for their group or were their parents just really uncreative or … was it a symbol for something? He frowned, looking at Rose but she didn't glance his way.

What were they?

He had never seen anything – well, that was a lie. He had seen beings like these in the other universe but that wasn't say a lot. There were plenty of humanoid species out in the stars after all – some that even looked exactly the same on the surface to humans … like Time Lords. But these things … there was something to them he didn't get. He didn't know them.

"Well, we will get you some refreshments then …" said Pete, "Will we go to the –"

"Yes we will, the one they call Peter Tyler,"

"It's Mr Tyler," said Pete, slowly.

"We apologise, Mr Tyler," they said, "Please lead the way,"

Pete nodded his goodbye to Rose and Johnny and went off, leading the beings to the one of the conference rooms. As soon as they were out of earshot, the Doctor said to Rose. "Okay firstly: what are they? Secondly: what do they want? And thirdly: … actually there isn't one now, but there will be,"

"They call themselves the Janus'ka," said Rose, "from the planet Har'po – I believe it's a planet they colonised when their home world become uninhabited or something,"

"And are they looking to –"

"No," said Rose, shaking her head, "They want to set up an exchange program of some sorts – education. Like going to France except inter-planetary. In our past contact they had expressed how because of their ignorance to other worlds it lead to their original downfall and so they wish to learn as much as they can. And they heard about our assimilation program so they want to try and set up something –"

"-up," finished the Doctor.

(He liked Torchwood's Assimilation Program – it was very _Men In Black_ of them. Basically it was immigration and citizenship for aliens. He had had to go through it when he arrived – in fact it had been Rose, Jackie and Mickey who had initially set it up but they hadn't realised how popular it would become.)

"You don't like them," noted Rose.

"What gave you that impression?"

"Body language," she noted with a shrug, "Why don't you –"

"-like them? Well, it's just … they can pierce things, Rose. They observe things – they know Time. Not like me, not like a Time Lord but they know it. And it's not like a Time Agent either – they have a more intimate knowledge with it … and yet they can't see it clearly. It's a wonder what they could do with that and a concern because if they did –"

"As in they can see Time, but aren't as aware of the flux and flow of it?"

"Yeah," said the Doctor. He shrugged. "Also their eyes are creepy,"

"You find them creepy?"

"Don't you?"

"I seem to recall one time in the Avada system you getting very close with someone with eyes like –"

"Oh, Rose, those were lovely eyes – they had Life and besides that was my previous regeneration. He was weird – he had a thing for trees – remember that? Trees – honestly, well they were rather nice looking trees but still –"

"So are you saying you wouldn't still go wooden for –"

The Doctor snapped his fingers in front of her face. "Please tell you aren't channelling Jack there,"

She shook her head, smirking. "Not at all – but would you?"

"Well …" he started and stopped himself at her cheeky expression, "… let's move on."

Rose rolled her eyes and kissed him on the cheek. She took his hand in hers.

"C'mon, Doctor – lets go do some paperwork,"

The Doctor groaned. "But I want to go and –"

"The meeting is starting in an hour – we have plenty of time for paperwork, c'mon,"

"But!"

She ignored him, he pouted.

* * *

><p>Eventually he escaped the paperwork. Sadly he couldn't claim it was from his own wit and quick-thinking since Rose had had to go and deal with some recruitment interviews and so he had been left to his own devices. Now this left him with a few options:<p>

a) He could go sneak into the conference room with the Janus'ka

b) He could go research everything Torchwood had on the Janus'ka

c) He could go watch the CTV cameras of what was happenings

d) He could go and check on the TARDIS – especially since with temporal beings about she might be a little on edge

e) All of the above.

He chose all of the above naturally – but first he'd go check on Sexy. He could research and hack into the cameras from his lab anyway so it was no great issue. Kill three birds with one stone.

He left Rose's office briskly and headed straight down to the lower levels of Torchwood. Along the way a couple of people tried to waylay him but he kept going, muttering something about getting something for Rose – they all nodded in deathly understanding. He would need to talk to Rose about that. The bad wolf in her tended to come out a little too much at work.

Then again, he mused, he supposed when she had first started here she had been driven to return to him (well other him) and so may have been a bit on edge. She had calmed down if Jake's stories were anything to go by.

He reached the lower levels and started down the long corridor to his lab. He reached it and was placing his hand down to start unlocking it.

"I wondered when you would arrive here, the Time-Child also called Jon-ee and Dok-tore,"

He froze, turning sharply.

It was the Janus'ka – well one of them anyway. This one had diagonal black stripe across its face.

"Aren't you supposed to be with Pete?" he queried but then slapped himself figuratively (of course this guy wasn't … well he was by Torchwood's planning but not be his peoples – he had been sent here specifically – why?). He swallowed. "Actually don't answer that – stupid question. You're down here – for me, clearly, but what reason?"

"You are strange," said Black Stripe.

The Doctor cocked his left eyebrow. "Yes, well aware of that,"

"You have been touched by Time – no, you are weaved by Time but you are human. One heart. It is odd. We haven't seen one like you … well for so long,"

_One like you, one like you_ – did this mean they were talking about his twin when he had first arrived here? Or did this mean there was a Gallifrey here in this universe as well?

When he had first arrived, as well as getting acquainted with the domestic life and Rose's body, he had spent some time researching things from his universe but had found while obviously somethings were constant, others were not. He hadn't found mention of Time Lords or Daleks or the original Cyberman (obviously not the ones Lumic had created) and so he had wondered – maybe they didn't exist here.

Unless of course there was a race similar to Time Lords that he hadn't come across – very possible. Torchwood certainly didn't have the most complete database and without a good ship it wasn't like he could search for these things.

But the one heart comment. One heart …

"One like me?" he asked, stepping away from the door.

"Yes," nodded Black Stripe, "And so we find you intriguing and therefore you are now under our protection,"

"Your protection," repeated the Doctor, "Right – so what does that mean? – and once again how did you know I would come down here?"

"Time radiates from there," said Black Stripe.

_No, Sexy sings from there_, he thought but semantics really.

He nodded. "You haven't answered my other question and also – if you even think about entering there it won't happen – got it?"

"Time will tell," said Black Strip.

"Yeah well …" said the Doctor, digging down into his pocket for his phone. "I'd like you to tell me now – or I'm going to call my –"

He jerked back, falling against something as hands clasped him tight. He tried to elbow back, but his captor's grip tightened. It was a Janus'ka, holding tight, long fingers moulding onto his skin, as they pulled back his arms like to cuff him, but very tight, too tight, that hurt, he couldn't move. He couldn't move except wiggle against the strong grip – which was melting onto him. It felt like those fingers were wax, forming around him.

"Relax, Jon-ee,"

Black Strip was approaching him with a needle. A big needle, a really big … don't think about it. Just get away. He kept the mantra going in his head, glancing down and noticing the very long feet near his. Smiling he lifted his leg and – crunch – the Janus'ka screeched as his bones broke and the Doctor, used this to rip away.

Keeping an eye on Black Stripe he shot a glance to the elevator.

"Now you are going to tell me –"

_Wham!_

Stars blinked before him.

Something pricked him.

Blackness hugged him.

And he couldn't help but wonder if he should get his middle name changed to 'trouble'.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:<strong> Any thoughts: good, bad, inbetween, are very much appreciated especially on characters etc but anything is helpful! I love to hear your thoughts :)

Also I hope that you enjoyed this :)


	5. The Question Is?

**AN:** A little shorter than usual but anyway thank you once again to everyone who has supported this fic in one way or anothere. I really appreciate it.(note: hasn't been beta'd)

**Coffee Stains and Growing Pains**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter Five: <strong>**The Question Is?**

The first thing that he noticed was that it was cold: a chilling, unpleasant cold that surrounded him but not in the same sense of plunging into an ice filled lake on an alien planet or hiking in the Himalayas cold. This was a rational, carefully monitored and logical chill – like leaving the air conditioning on for a bit too long. It was just so artificial – he could taste it in the air.

The next thing he realised was that the world was blue. His eyes cracked open, slowly, running his tongue over his lips as his vision adjusted. He was at an angle, lying on a bench – no more like a dentist chair. There was metal all around him: metal plating, metal arches – all shiny silver in appearance, and there were monitors with screens, information in a blue script that changed briefly and quickly. It was alien, it had to be alien. No language that he had ever seen from Earth was like that.

Where was he?

He tried to twist and that's when he realised the probably most important thing. He couldn't move. Well he could but there was something holding him tightly in place. His head couldn't move much, there was a cotton-y material across his forehead. What the hell? His eyes travelled downwards to see a thick black strap across his chest, his hands tied down as well as his feet. His body had wires coming off it, all stuck to vital areas of his body and in his left forearm was an IV drip (or what he assumed was one anyway).

What?

It hit him – those monitors were for him. He was being laid out like some kids science project. Why? And why was he naked? Completely and utterly starkers and on some strange space ship if the dull hum he could hear was anything to go by. His pale skin was gleaming in the light and he felt very very small without at least some pants on – underwear even would be appreciated.

How did he get here? He tried to lift his body, levering up the right side of his body by propping up his elbow. If he could just – he froze, a cold hand resting on his right shoulder, pushing him back down. He grunted, swivelling his dark eyes to see a tall figure.

Janus'ka. The TARDIS. The Fight. The Prick. The Black. Torchwood. He had been abducted by aliens – fan-freaking-tastic. Rose was going to be so pleased when she found out – if she did. He hoped she did.

Except this creature didn't look like the Janus'ka: this creature was more muscular, with flowing blond hair and dark hooded eyes. Gone were the strange proportions and replaced with much more humanoid appearance. What was this?

The alien spoke to him.

It didn't translate.

"What?" he said, his voice cracking.

"Ah, Jon-ee, apoligies – this is your tongue, yes"

Technically Gallifreyan was his tongue but no matter.

"Yes," he said with a nod. "What are you?"

"Good – now please calm down. You are safe. Safe,"

The damn thing completely ignored his question.

The alien smiled – or at least what looked like one and moved around. It's long fingers with even longer and sharper nails trailed down his arm and he fought back a shiver. This was so clinical, the way the alien looked at him before heading over to the monitors: it was one of yearning, the look of an explorer or scientist when they see something fantastical – it was a look that he knew well because he often had it himself: that spark in the eye and that gentleness as not to destroy it – except this lacked warmth.

The Doctor watched carefully as the alien entered some information into the screens – what he wasn't sure which annoyed him. He always knew what was going on, always. Well most of the time anyway. At least if he could read the writing he would have a better idea but that was a no go. He eyed off the alien. Hopefully he was a talker.

Please let him be a talker, he thought desperately.

"So," said the Doctor, piercing the silence, "This is an interesting set-up, with the lab and all – so mind, telling me what is going on? Because it looks like -"

The alien (that he dubbed as the Scientist) turned sharply to face him. "Hush, Jon-ee."

"Hush? Hush?" he repeated, "I'm sorry but in case you haven't realised you have me strapped naked to a lab table – I think that deserves a bit of an explanation. So explain," he paused for dramatic effect, "now,"

"You are safe," said the Scientist calmly, like speaking to a small child, "That is all that matters, now hush,"

"Not until you answer my questions!" he practically growled out, "How can I be safe when I don't know what's going on? Safe is generally being in a state of –"

"You were rescued for your protection," said the Scientist.

"Once again _– from what_? And who are you?"

The Scientist didn't respond.

"Tell me,"

More silence as the alien continued entering in details.

"You know I can just keep talking and going on and on –"

The Scientist sighed. "You are an anomaly – a strange hybrid of some kind, you are in Torchwood, you are under the watchful guard of the head of Torchwood – you didn't exist until three months ago and though your body has the appearance of a middle aged human you are far too young," the alien frowned, "How did Torchwood create you? We have monitored them and they do not possesses the capability to create you,"

Ah, so it wasn't protection it was merely curiosity.

"Guard? Torchwood isn't guarding me and they didn't create me," he said, "And I'm dating, certainly not being a prisoner to – listen that doesn't matter, well it does but time is short – and the fact is I demand to be let go – you have no grounds or right to take me from my home. No grounds.

The Scientist shook his head. "You do not exist to … your species; it does not register under their database so we can do as we will,"

"Do as you will? Boy, like I haven't heard that phrase before – why is it always the way with you people? Why?" said the Doctor, grinding his teeth together.

"I suggest you calm down, Jon-ee,"

"It's _Johnny_,"

"Yes, Jon-ee. Now calm,"

The word lingered, reaching out to – no. A small voice in his head said 'no'. He narrowed his eyes.

"Who and what are you?"

"Hush, Jon-ee,"

He felt like tearing his hair out. "Who are you?"

"Calm down,"

That voice lingered once again and Johnny's mind shouted 'no'. To what he wasn't sure but it hardly mattered. He just needed to find out who these things were, how the Janus'ka fitted in and how the hell he was going to get home. He bit his lip. Maybe if he changed track.

"Take me home,"

"Your home is here,"

The Doctor's eyes narrowed. "No, it isn't,"

"It is,"

"You have no home. It will be destroyed soon,"

"Destroyed?"

Rose.

His gut twisted.

Rose. Jake. Pete. Jackie. Tony.

His breath caught.

What the hell was with all these aliens and destroying Earth?

His heart raced.

"I won't let that happen," growled the Doctor, "You can't do that!"

The monitors around started to beat louder, more frequent.

* * *

><p><em>"It is most honourable meeting you, Mister Tyler," <em>

The Janus'ka bowed deeply in the conference to Pete Tyler, the head of Torchwood and the Vitex empire before he escorted them out with his award-winning Vitex smile and serious Torchwood face – an amusing mix if she ever saw one. Rose watched them carefully through the computer monitors, watching for any sign of danger but saw none. So far they appeared to be very enlightened and well-behaved aliens – no threats, just calm and nice.

She had come up here as soon as the interviews had been done, Jake tailing after her as he saw her heading. Drinking coffee and kicking their feet up in room next to Conference Room A where all the monitors were set up, the two of them had sat with some analysts and watched. Meetings or encounters with new species, or any species for that matter were always recorded. In the field it was common practice to wear contact-camera lenses so that everything could be broken down, examined and noted down. With live meetings like this, there was always one analyst in the actual room while three sat beside a monitor.

Generally other agents weren't allowed to crowd however often they did under the strict rules not to talk or disrupt the analysts as they worked – this often ran into complications when the Doctor came along for one because he really had a motor mouth.

She had expected to see the Doctor in here, chattering on with his glasses on and lips pursed, but he wasn't there – wasn't in the room either.

She had asked the analysts about that and they hadn't seen him.

Strange.

She had mentioned it to Jake (to the annoyance of the analysts) and he shrugged, reckoning he might have gone to work on his little project – whatever that was. A small bubble of annoyance rippled at the mention at that and she began to devise a plan to get it out of him – wine, sex and a late night dinner in that order seemed like a good plan.

Those thoughts were soon pushed from her mind though as she listened to the Janus'ka speak. Their voices were beautiful once they got going – like listening to a new music genre and slowly being consumed by it. They just flowed, mispronouncing here and there with those strange accents that she couldn't place but even those mistakes sounded lyrical but deep; like listening to Morgan Freeman and Alan Rickman in some orgasmic mix. All it took was for a few minutes and then the sound set in, resonating.

It was a pity in a way when the meeting ended. The Janus'ka headed out and Rose looked over at Jake, jerking her head towards the door. She made her way out, him following.

"What do you think?" she asked, coming out in a side hallway, not used by guests or the public.

"Nice enough," noted Jake, leaning against the wall, "Those voices though … damn,"

"Yeah,"

"I mean they were just … lovely,"

"Like some orgasmic mix of Morgan Freeman and Alan Rickman,"

"Alan who?"

Rose briefly mourned for this universe's lack of Alan Rickman.

"Never mind," she said. She shook her head, leaning against the wall, "I should go find the Doctor,"

"He'll turn up,"

"In the wee hours of the night," said Rose wryly, "Weird he wasn't there though – he would've had a lot of useful insights into the exchange program,"

"It seemed pretty straightforward to me," shrugged Jake.

Rose nodded. Yeah, it really did. Have the aliens come in and claim to be from Australia, shuttle them around – and then … she blinked, running her mind over the discussion except her mind pulled only that beautiful mix that carried her soul …

"Jake," she said slowly, "How long was that meeting?"

He glanced at his watch. "It went for two hours."

"And we decided what exactly?"

"That they would …" He blinked. "Something isn't right?"

"Yeah,"

"But what?"

Rose ran her hand through her hair. "Let's go find Pete,"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:<strong> Any thoughts: good, bad, inbetween, are very much appreciated especially on characters etc but anything is helpful! I love to hear your thoughts :)

Also I hope that you enjoyed this once again.


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